When people talk about event planning, working out their funeral details is probably the last thing they are picturing themselves doing.
It just doesn’t sound right to prepare for that. But why is that?
We organise life insurance to care for our loved ones to soften the financial blow that an unplanned departure could cause, but what about the emotional one?
Some people even purchase funeral insurance, which takes care of the financial cost, but that is as far as most people go. We buy the insurance while looking away from the reason why we are purchasing our peace of mind in the first place. It’s not like death is optional, so why do we avoid planning our way out? It doesn’t quite make sense.
Consider the scenario. You have passed away in a bit of an unexpected way. I know, we all think that we will die at home or in a hospital bed surrounded by our loved ones having a chance to say our good-byes and pass on our last wishes. However, the statistics would say otherwise. With cardiovascular diseases at the top of the list in first-world countries, death can come suddenly and swiftly.
Let’s say you did die. Your loved ones are devastated but need to make quick decisions. Did you want to donate any organs? Traditional burial or cremation? Where do you want to be buried or your ashes scattered? Flowers? Church funeral or celebrant ceremony? Open or closed casket? Who would you like to be there? Are there any readings that mean a lot to you?
Gone are the days when every tribe had a particular way of celebrating death, which was more or less the same for everyone. Nowadays, we have many choices, which can make the decision-making process overwhelming.
And yes, you might not care about the details that much now that you are dead. But your loved ones will be trying to make decisions thinking about what you would have liked, and there might be conflict amongst them about what they consider would have been your preferences. So wouldn’t you want to save them the extra grief?
While you might not go to the extent of the Irishman who pranked the mourners at his funeral (watch it here), it might be wise to jot down some ideas and chat with the people who would be making the decisions should something happen to you.
And no, this will not remove the pain, but it will allow them to grieve your departure without being stressed about trying to fulfil your wishes and feeling guilty for not knowing the best way to send you off.
So, how do you do this?
Firstly, you need to be ready to have some uncommon conversations. And it would probably help if you took some time to think about what you would like to happen. Is there someone you trust to make sure it does happen in that way? Can you ask them if they would take on that responsibility?
Then, you can have some fun (yes, I know it does sound morbid) researching the options.
Cost may or may not be a decisive factor, but hey, right now, you do have the time to figure out where your priorities are, right?
Below are some questions that might help in your planning process. This is probably the most personal and emotional celebration you will ever organise, so take it one thing at a time. Hopefully, it won’t happen for a long time, but it is good to be ready.
- If you are religious – is there a place of worship where you would like your funeral to happen?
- If you are not – is there a local celebrant you would like to talk to about what type of celebration/ceremony you would like?
- Does your doctor (and your family) know your wishes regarding resuscitation, organ donor status, whether you want or not to be hooked to a machine for survival? Do you need to fill out any forms to make it official?
- Do you have a poem/extract of a book/religious text you would like someone to read? Do you have a preference for who that “someone” should be?
- Who would you like to see there?
- Are there any particular messages you want to leave behind for those mourning you?
- What do you want to happen to your remains? Do you have a family plot that you would like to have as your final resting place? Would you like to be cremated? Is there a meaningful place where you would like your ashes scattered?
- Would you like it to be a formal, subdued affair, or are you inclined to make it more festive?
- Would you like to write your own eulogy? For example, you could list the things you are proud of, the instrumental people who have crossed your path, the memories you have cherished, etc.
- Do you want flowers, and if so, do you have any preferences?
- Do you want there to be food and music? Do you have a venue in mind?